ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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