her vagine was all disorganized.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize