I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
