I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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