its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
whose parrot is this?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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