I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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