i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
