Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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