He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
