I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
