I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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