I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she looked like the before picture.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
