Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
