We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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