New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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