Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
