and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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