I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
