Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
