the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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