shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
