All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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