He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
