Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
