They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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