youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
