No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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