Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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