I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
