No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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