Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
