I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
sarcasm needs its own font
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
