Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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