My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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