okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
pray to the hookup gods
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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