booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
