Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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