So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
