I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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