does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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