Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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