he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
