Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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