I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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