alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
