I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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