i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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