They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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