you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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