I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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