it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize