So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
