I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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