i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
