I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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