How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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