It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
