I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
