just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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