Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
