He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
