Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
