I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wear drunk well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
