Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
