In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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