So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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