I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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