just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
